We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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