Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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