Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
