I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
