got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
