We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
