Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Panties = found
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