i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
