Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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