i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize