We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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