Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
