Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
All I want is dick and wine.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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