Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
