I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
