Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
