My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
