I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Please don't give away my fajitas
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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