So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
