I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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