He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
