i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize