I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
