He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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