Need sex. Gaining weight.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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