I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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