I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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