this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
