how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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