He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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