hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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