we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
