um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
