If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
