If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
