i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
