I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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