remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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