I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
