why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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