My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
