I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it was like eating out sand paper
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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