he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
