when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
