U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We need to rekindle our bromance
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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