a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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