Soap is not a condiment
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
