mondays should just be called national damage control day
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
