I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
