I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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