Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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