she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
