Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Duck Duck Cougar?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
