Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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