so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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