I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
