I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
