I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
