i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
